ConnectiCon 2015: Convention Story

DAY ONE:

It was the exciting first day of ConnectiCon.

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FIRST, says KTWreck Camp. We need to get the pocky. Also get some plushies. Helena Manning is here looking for sestras.

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If you find Dean, return him to Cas, because they are in love. Dean is very lost. Cas is freaking out. Cas was an angel, Cas was not used to these feelings. Oh no, Once Upon a Time, there was a man named WEEABOO CARABOO who lived in the land of WAIFU KIMBERLAND and made many offspring. one day, the waifu left to fly in the garden FEFFUKU, and she was never seen again. WEEABOO cried every night from soy poisoning. THE END.

The end? Yea, no. This is going to be longer than that. The story has only begun. It only goes on from here.

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In my time, I liked potatoes. The potatoes were served for lunch to the first aid providers of Operation Hammond; they were grand. Sasha lost potatoes, so we very dangerous. This is the existential crisis all potatoes face.

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Batman came in and saved the day once again. Batman, gotta go fast sonic. He’s on the run. Sonic, he’s number one. Sonic he’s right up next, so heads up for Sonic X.

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With one word he can end your pain with one touch. He can save your soul. He is the light that brings birth to life, but he’s also the dark that can take away everything.

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The world is ending… By wait, there’s more? Billy Mais appears. On a unicorn. Giving oxyclean to all of the elves.

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And a flashback to history. Royal type completed his observation of ConnectiCon and saw the future. Though the future wasn’t what he expected. It was all nerds.

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Joker & Harley were having a blast. Literally. Somewhere between blowing up the Science Center, causing the stuffed pterodactyls to become airborne, they hijacked the Turkish food truck and then stole everyone’s left shoe. And then, the molasses truck crashed. After the travesty of the moon crashing too.

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Oh god, I said. “The Deadpools are multiplying.” Soon enough, the whole place was filled with Deadpools and Noodle with her amazing guitar skills. “Can’t see the haters in the sea of molasses.”

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I have successfully lost my family. Now it’s a lovely game of hide and seek.

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This is only the beginning of the convention and already the crowd was dressed to the nines. It was a classy affair, with all the costumes and crowds. And yet, all was not as it would seem at this festive gathering of like minded souls. For you see there was EVIL afoot. Many dragons. Probably dark wizards. And a ten minute warning on the sundial.

 

DAY TWO:

Times were hard. Times were dark…. the world’s only hope was Tony Stark. WE ARE ALL DOOMED…

Doomed to a life of wild parties, loose women, and expensive booze. As the smell of alcohol and sweat fills the air, there was a boy who had a mysterious power that allowed him to access the power of the gates. The gates sing a song of devilish tales, of the people who were driven mad from the demon who had the voice that was so sweet all the power of your body opened up and then you exploded.

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Yellow light, passing in front of your eyes as you enter a void of darkness. This place smells of home, spices, and bread. Yaoi is my life. This is the utmost fact of the whole universe. The universe is under attack by the bread bears. Only Batman can save us now. Batman needs his faithful partner Nightwing, or else he will perish.

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But will the fated day arrive when they will meet? No one knows, but in the shadows of shadowy dark, Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven was in her Groffik sorrow and lamented the breakup of MCR.

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Seras waited patiently for her master to arrive at the hotel so that they could begin their mission to eliminate the threat that plagued the con-goers. But it was too late. Their fate was not sealed. A wealthy pikachu was here to save the day. All hail Sakura AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENAAAAA. The amazing Nightwing has arrived to save Batman. An amazing space battle ensued.

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You have no change to survive. Make your time.

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When the light of day comes, however the Alpacas will arrive with a vengeance.

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Not unlike a rather irritated orangutan. No style. No grace, this Kong is full of unquenchable rage! When he stretches his arms out, just for you, you will know pain unlike any other. A pain that has shown the will of Emily Liu.

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Emily’s father, Duke Nukum (Not Duke Nukem), took one look at the boyfriend’s body, he said aloud, “That’s one Doomed Space Marine.” A terrible sign to all by Duke. Detective Issaac Washington then said, “I hate Zombies.” only to be interrupted by his partner “G”, who corrected him.

“Mutants. How many times do I have to tell you not to use the ‘Z’ word?”

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In the beginning there was The Hero, and The Hero was with Man, and The Hero was Man. That is the way it was in the beginning… That  man’s name was John Egbert. And he was a NERD. But this nerd also had a dream.

 

DAY THREE:

It was an average con morning. The elevators were crowded as usual… but the last thing anyone expected was to hear a very familiar “Oh my…”

The rave generated many of the “Oh My’s” last night as well as bred theories of Cas. Cas is still looking for Dean. Matt Murdock is looking for Foggy Nelson.

“Please help. I can’t see anything in this terrible weather. Can I do it?” Cas thought to himself.

He heard a random person shout in the crowd, as he stared around in confusion. He then saw someone shouting curses on peoples genitalia.

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Chilling here with some friends have, having a good time. Twelve furrowed his mighty Scottish brow. “Time is being written by rolls and Idiots alive.”

“Sounds like a mess,” Ten smirked knowingly. He lived for the self proclaimed smartest man in the universe, asking for his help. An admission of superiority in his eyes.

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I’m beginning to understand why people don’t use typewriters anymore. “Oh wait, I wasn’t. Oh damn. I don’t have a spell check!” she shrieked, as she raced down the con hallways.

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Alas, the con was over.

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Stan Pines here folks. Don’t forget to stop by and visit the Mystery Shack. Where we put the ‘fun’ in ‘No refunds!”

“Shut up Pines!” Bill Cypher here everyone. Forget that hack. Come to the Mindscape, for all your possession needs. And remember, meatsacks: REALITY IS AN ILLUSION.

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THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM!

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I walked towards the door to see a small child wearing nothing other than a batman costume that had a long black cape. Before I could take her picture, a giant ogre ate her. The small blond child, slid down the digestive tract of the ogre, screaming the whole while.

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Oh my….George Takei is not who you think he is…

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Suddenly, the ground began to shake and out from a yawning chasm emerged Dumbledore.

 

“What do you think you’re doing, you mediocre dunces?” he exclaimed.

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And then, the furries attacked.

The furries were defeated by true friendship and good cosplay.

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I love the convention. This is hard to type on

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Today, I have found my family. The game has ended.

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ConnectiCon in the vendor’s room was about to close, so all of the cosplayers had to decide on their last panel, or get that one last thing in the dealers room. And so our narrator must end this story.